Well, hello. According to these briefing papers here, I'm supposed to say it's nice to see all of you. Not clear why, but I'm supposed to say it, whether or not I am. Saying it. Or even thinking it, to be candid, but they always warn me about that, so I won't be. Probably.
Every now and then, my assistants put me in a car and take me somewhere so I can see a bunch of people, standin' around, looking like they don't know why they're there. And that makes two of us. Or more. And then they expect me to say something. About it all. Whatever it happens to be, that particular day. And this situation here has the earmarks of one of those events. Me, not knowing why I'm here, talking to a bunch of people who don't know why they're there. And that's what makes democracy great.
Now I understand, it says here, that this year's been difficult. That we've seen more than our share of things. And experienced some unpleasant experiences. Many of us, whoever we might be, have had a lot of experience with experiences. Good or bad, whichever one. And our experience is what molds our ... molds. Our funguses, too, probably. I knew a feller from up around the Tacoosh River who had his molds experienced, and that worked out all right, but they fumbled the fungus functions, and he never was the same.
You know where the Tacoosh is. It's right up there east of Trombly, and Trombly's as unincorporated a community as they come, so you can see the significance. But in comparison to the trials and tribulations and arrests of this here year, Trombly isn't even an adjective. Out there in the real world, where men are men and bears are whatever it is bears are, you just can't stand up in front of a lot of people in suits talkin' about bears when the house is on fire. Or the Senate, either, for that matter. This whole crisis we're facing, whatever it is, is positively existential in its nature, and nature ain't doing all that well, either. So as my advisors told me to say during one of the recent elections, our best bet is to existinguish whatever comes across our path.
Now I know this may not be a popular point of view, but, personally, I'm not all that averse to humanity bein' destroyed. Ugly bunch, most of 'em. But why does it have to be some damn thing so small you can't see it comin' after you? My idea of a real pandemic would be bears. They're big and furry, and they got legitimate grievances. Or koalas. I think I could still hold up my end of the fight against a koala, even at my age. Bears, maybe not. You have to reason with 'em. You know, like you do with that Johnson fella, over in the Disintegrated Kingdom. Or the Russian guy. What's his name? Sounds like that stuff the Canadians eat? Putain, or something like that. You gotta sit down with 'em and smoke a couple of peace reefers, compare tattoos, see if you can reach a common understanding. Or an uncommon one. More likely the latter, especially after a couple of them artisanal Abzerbajohnny Molotov cocktails.
Now, I have come, thankfully, to the end of my prepared remarks, and so you'll forgive me if I go on and make a few unprepared ones while my revolted .... that is, devoted staff of luminaries work out exactly where the door is and where they left the car. It's never been entirely clear to me why that word, luminaries, is pronounced the way it is here in the nation's capital. In the district I serve, we pronounce it with an "n" as the third character, especially when we're referring to the fine public servants who serve the other public servants servin' here in the nation's central nervous center. If you happen to see anything that would shed a light on any of that, please let me know.
And now, in the absence of any further insight into issues of that nature or any other nature, really, I believe it's time we took our leave of this fine fabrication of pre-fabricated material, forming the very fabric of this here facility and hit the beltway. But remember, when in doubt, don't hesitate to hesitate about demanding clear and precise answers from your electric officials. You'll be less disappointed.
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