Senator Elijah Kreek's 2021 Holiday Address

Good morning. It's nice to see those of you who I can actually see - those who have, in a manner of speaking, actually made themselves visible - on this Decemberish occasion, here in the Nation's political back yard, on the banks of that stream that, muddied with history, flows through the mud of our uncommonwealth.

Let me begin by asking, as I so often do on these occasions, for you all to reflect on a question that I - and I believe most of you have- posed silently or loudly for that matter, in the glorious past and the doubtful future, that is, "why?" Why are we here? And who's paying for it?

I know that I am not, anyway. My staff and Rod, over there, the young fellow with the tie and the appalled look on his face, assure me that I in fact do get paid for doing this sort of thing, and the wonder of that shines like a young woman's face in the snowy moonlight on the banks of the Tacoosh River, you know, northeast of Muskrat. Where the railroad tracks run between New and Old 35?

It always surprises me when I pass by that spot that there's not really anything there. Seems like there could be. Gas station, at least, you'd think. Or a Starbucks. But perhaps it's for the best. For where else, as we stand here on the erodin' banks of the Potomac, could we actually make a living doing this stuff we do, if there weren't little crossroad favelas, lost in the primordial soup of nature, footin' the bill?

The last time I visited my constituency, I put that question to the audience. "Fred," I asked, "why do you put up with it?" I'll never forget his response "With what?" he said. And I've taken that as a mandate and a sacred obligation. So let me conclude by quoting the beloved poet laureate of our beloved little patch of... well, not really turf so much as sand and pine trees... Mildred Mastodon. What? Oh, she's from Mastodon? Where's that, again? West of Sawyer?

Anyway, she wrote in her piece, Notes to My Children, "Straighten up, dammit. And keep your hands to yourself". I think we can all learn from that.

Senator Kreek has announced that he will be running for or away from the Senate again in 2022, depending on circumstances.